Ups and downs and sideswipes....After all the positive things which had happened, a negative. Here's Luna on Feb. 24 sleeping in her dog-loo.
Last week, on Monday, Luna went in to have surgery to removed the calcification on her bladder which was causing the blood and frequent urination. She was happy when she thought she was getting a walk...but when I went to put her seatbelt harness on...she knew she was going for a car ride, which lately meant the Vets or the Kennel....not walks in the woods.
I told her to cheer up, she'd be home in the evening, and she wouldn't have the discomfort later. She looked at me and snorted . I swear this dog was half human.
I dropped her off at the vets and went to take down the MVAQN quilt show at the Hayner Cultural center. On the way home, I got a call from my husband. When the vet went to remove the sludge, she also discovered a tumor and she wanted to know what we wanted to do.
After discussing this with Carlos, who told me she had been moping around all weekend (I was at a quilt retreat....whether that's why she was moping or not I don't know), and talking with the vet who said that the cancer would come back regardless....but she didn't know how much longer it would be, and knowing that Luna was going to be 15 on April 10, and huskies usually only make it to 12 or so....I regretfully decided not to put her through the recovery (she would have had to wear the "lampshade" collars which she hated and managed to chew to pieces the one she had when she was spayed), and the discomfort in her abdomen...so I drove out to say good-bye to her.
When I got to the vets, she was howling....it sounded like a siren. I don't know if she started when I got there and she knew it was me or what. I went in, quieted her, and talked to her. The vet was empathetic and came in when I was ready, and she died peacefully in my arms.
It's always hard to say goodbye in this way. Particularly hard for me this time as I wasn't really ready for it. I knew that there was a possibility she wouldn't survive the surgery, but I didn't think I would have to make this decision right now. Different from last week.
I find it always strange, something so vital and happy can be with us one minute and gone the next. Even though I hope that if I have cancer again, someone will be able to put me down as well, I feel like I betrayed her as I told her she was coming home...I guess it was just a different home.
Luna rolling in the snow.
I keep on looking outside and expect to see her snorking around in the snow. I never got a picture of her leaping like a deer like she often did when she went outside in the snow...She loved the cold and would roll and frolick in it.
That thick coat made her almost impervious to the cold and the wet. I won't miss the shedding and the dust rhinocerous that her no longer needed coat provided in my house.
I've been ok...just missing her. Her little jingles of her collar. Her howling, and running in her sleep. I was fine until the vet sent a sympathy card with an inked foot print from her. I'm grateful for it....but it was just another sideswipe.